Flying into a life made for living...

Do you believe in Angels? I do. They can appear to us in many different disguises and ways. I dream of them sometimes. They always have something important to say and they come in time to help me look at situations from different perspectives. This dream was a dream about my inner boy child spirit. He came at a time that I needed to make a choice to make a change.

Different experiences in life, leads us to make choices that we are unable to even consider, so too our dreaming is there to help carve a way forward, or to see more deeply into situations, that would inevitably, be impenetrable. Messengers are sent to help guide the dream, as dreams can be many things, hard to interpret and understand. The easiest way for me to come to an understanding of a dream, is to allow my pen to freely write across the page. Automatic writing. To read the dream, ponder and then write, see what unfolds before me. Allowing the dream to speak, the symbols to speak their meaning to me. I don’t believe every object in a dream has the same meaning for everyone. Remembering how you felt within the dream, who you were with, the environment, everything is open to interpretation, so I find it easier to see what the pen allows, what flows from where the dream originated in the subconscious. This dream was at a time in which I was holding on to a dream, my life had changed and I couldn’t accept it or move on. I believe a part of me was dying. If it wasn’t for the appearance of my inner child, and the illness that seemed to be invading his body, then maybe who knows.

The Dream

There was a presence in my dream, a young boy, that was lurking in the dark corners of my house. The house was not the same house that I live in but the house of my childhood. His appearance was frightening, he appeared ill, he was sweating and pale, his eyes were dark and pierced my soul as he stood and stared. I wanted to run, to leave, but at first, he held my gaze, long enough for me to feel empathy for the young boy, I didn’t know he was living there and if I left, he would be alone, but then the feeling shifted and he felt sinister, dangerous and I couldn’t stay.

The house was full of clothes and items and it was so unorganised, that when I tried quickly to grab things and get out, I couldn’t I had to just go. Leave it all behind. I was on a road and the boy appeared behind me on the road and was walking towards me. Mr X appeared and was behind me with a friend. In the dream I was aware that we had separated. But I was holding on and hanging around. As the boy approached me there was panic and anxiety that arose in me and I flew directly up into the air, as I accelerated, I realised that Mr X and his friend, couldn’t fly, they couldn’t leave the danger that this boy posed. I felt a great need to protect them.

I also remembered in the dream, about reading from “Spirit Walker” a book I had finished, how beneficial it was to approach and confront the shadow in dreams to find answers. So, I flew to the ground, landing in front of Mr X and his friend and stood before the boy and said, “no you cannot do this anymore”. The boy said to me “you are very brave Dee”. He still continued to walk towards us, but walked past me and headed straight for Mr X and the girl. Mr X had an implement and he grabbed the boy and stabbed him with it in the temple. I was horrified that Mr X was able to do this, it was macabre and wrong and I felt a part of the horrible act. The boy lay limp in his arms. I was saddened and dismayed that this life had been taken, such innocence misunderstood, and then I woke up.

The Interpretation

Using Automatic Writing

The male child is of me, my inner child, at a time when I was feeling lonely and alone, and wondering the rooms of my soul at night. The living area. A space of companionship and togetherness. The sight of loneliness confronted me and fear invade every part of my body. The flight instinct was heightened in my body. I saw before me the sickly and sinister inner child, the haunting situation from the stagnate environment. Stillness and emptiness surrounded him. The appearance of the inner child, alarmed me to see the inevitable change that was ahead. A necessary change that would see me face my fears, the fears that were holding me in a space that was slowly killing my spirit, as I floundered in a place that was harbouring only this fear. I had lost my essence, my desires, my need to live my truth and authenticity.

The life I was living was in such disarray. My emotions could not be organised anymore, there was an urgency. An urgency to run, to escape the feeling of lonely, the void, but as I looked at my inner child I felt compassion for his loss of innocence, and for the pain this had caused him. I can fly, I can fly away and leave it all behind. Not stare down the face of the deathful child, escape, escape from my fears. As I flew into a higher wisdom, it gave me clarity to look down upon the situation and see what was happening. The inner child let me see that I was holding on to an unorganised emotional upheaval. I did not want nor need to take it with me. I did need to leave, but I needed firstly to confront the truth of the situation. He also revealed my fear of vulnerability as I was now entering a stage in my life of fast tracked self-discovery alone.

As I flew into the air, the difference in perspective gave me clarity. I had flown far when I stopped and turned and pondered, although I feared the young boy child, I feared more the fact that I was merely escaping. I was running away. I could not leave a space because of fear anymore, and not confront the truth. There was more for me on that road and that journey. More for me in the ending. Upon returning to the earth to face the darker element of myself, of self, the unhealed inner child, that I had abandoned and left alone, I was able to heal a part of me that shrunk from vulnerability. It was time to confront the truth of an abandoned love, the abandonment of me. I returned to earth gathering courage to stand before the inner child and feel his broken heart and anguish, from a life long ago abandoned from a disconnected heart. I was led by my heart, a true authenticity emanated from me. Love had left me, but love was to be reborn. A healing was taking place. The part of me that felt so destroyed and alone by Mr X, was to be revived. The final blunt wound to my temple, lay me down, bleeding and still in his hands, and renewed me. As I watched on in horror, I was awakened to the situation. It was necessary for Mr X to weld the weapon that would set me free. Free me from pain within, my fear of abandonment, as has happened many times in my past. He shone a light on the truth of the situation. I was free, I had courage and although alone I now had the young spirit boy, who took up his rightful position within my heart.

Innocence, there is nothing that see’s right into your sole than the eyes of a young child. They hold the innocence of youth, that is not tampered with or tamed completely yet. They are free to express, they are free to experience life guided by their heart. To look upon my spirit child and see the loss of innocence, and then to leave without sitting and holding the child, to learn of his truth, his reality and why he was there as he was, was an abandonment of self-growth and thirst to learn and evolve. Upon returning to earth, becoming more grounded and no reactive, the spirit child, helped me see the fear that was pinning me down, the loneliness and disease that was growing within me. As I flew into the air, the instinct was to face what this child represented, as something separate to me, to face it and protect the one’s that repeated the abandonment, the repeated cycle that plays itself out in my life, leaving me grasping onto the tiny worn-out threads of love as they are pulled away from me. Mr X, unwittingly by killing the innocence in it’s various forms and stages of truth, restored it, to greater health inside me. At this moment I regained my ability of forsight, and I saw the truth of the situation. The innocence that all parties had in this separation, unwittingly destroyers of the innocence of love, but in that the freedom that was born from death, it gave to us all, the freedom of seeing the truth in any situation. I now had returned to me, my boy child spirit, I was shown that Mr X no longer was there for me, and I had the courage and the ability to fly free, to fly high into a realm of clarity, forgiveness and love. No longer helpless, no longer fearing loneliness on the path ahead and no longer abandoning myself. I had my back and apparently they have wings on them.

Who was I protecting. When I flew back down. Why did I see the need to protect and stop the boy from harming someone who left me to defend for myself. Why could I not see this? Why did I let this destruct my inner being to a point of illness. I overcame my fear of abandonment in this dream. I faced what appeared to be un-faceable, I knew at this point that by doing so, I was facing my pain. I saw it standing in front of me, I saw what it was doing. Without blame I let my pain walk past me, it spoke to me and told me of my courage. This courage, was formed from loss and grief. This pain stood in front of the man I once held and trusted and who killed me. My pain, was bitter and it snarled and glared, it was dark and menacing, it then gave its life for me. There was a lightness in this loss. With every death there is renewal. Something is created in that moment of death. The last breath of life has a cascade effect on all that are able to bear witness to life from a place of grief. Life never give’s up. There is a constant renewal in life. This is true magic and beauty for everyone blessed with living. This is perfection.