This is a blog about the randomness of dealing with significant change. Through acceptance and surrendering to the constant motion of life, mind and body, of loss and grief, joy and happiness. I have welcomed myself home and embraced all as it flows, ebbs and weaves through my being....
This is by no means advice on how to navigate separation, it is my ramblings, an insight to my mind, my story snippets of when the darkest of places were swirling around and consuming my life as I knew it. My story remarkable in it's un-remarkableness could bring you comfort in your efforts to find kinship and connect. I know this because like me you have been madly googling to find a similar experience, to connect, identify and to be heard. That's how you have come to this space.
I love to read. I love having a book shelf full of books. Which is hard at the moment, because I live with my parents and there is no room to pull my beloved books from their boxes. I dream of a day that my library can again be on display with a complete new titles. I gave a lot away, you see, when I left my previous life behind, in a physical sense that is. My bookshelf I fancy, will tell a story of who I am and how I came to discover myself again, weaving through course readings, of Yin Yoga, Ka Huna, Sound and Death, fictional and non fictional brilliance about women and witchcraft to connecting through the natural world and the wonderful myths and legends that give us a sense of place and purpose. I would like to share the journey of healing through my books. They have been there for me, supported me with their words and empowered and embodied me with their stories.
Cooking and the love of eating was something that myself and my ex really enjoyed to do together. Coming together to prep and cook our meals was bonding. When I suddenly found myself prepping for numero uno, it was very much like a sniff of hot chilli. I was left standing at my stove top, sniffling and drying my eyes for a long period of time. I really didn't cook too much and opted for a takeaway. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I went easy on myself. When I did cook, the meals I ate and prepared for myself were almost like a 'well look at me I can eat this now' stab in the gastronomical tract. I became very addicted to comfort food with the new addition of chocolate. Being a new bachelorette too I prided myself on one pot cooking. Less washing up and wonderful for the left overs. I became aware of the fact that I just needed to eat what I needed, without attachments to what was happening to my body until I had moved through some shit. This is my healing story through food.
I have alway's been a dreamer. I've always written my dreams down and I can stand for long periods in the middle of a very busy place in the land anywhere, oblivious and staring into space, wide eyed, mouth open, day dreaming. I've always thought this was wrong, because I was told by teachers, and there's evidence on my report cards, that I was too much of a day dreamer, so I have pushed this delightful activity away and tried to pull myself back into reality when I find myself creating, with my head in those soft heavenly clouds. The thing I know the importance in a dream and day dreaming and my dreams and day dreams, during my separation were guiding me. I didn't have the strength or the belief to trust in them at the time and second guessed everything that revealed itself. However they were pertinent to my healing. If you are interested I'm sharing the journey, the merry go round in my head and sharing the ultimate healing, as I learnt to trust in myself and my intuition.
If you feel to contact me about a dream you have been having, please do. I would love to connect with you about these magical story weavers of 'self'.
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